Tis’ the Season for Cheesy Gifts

With every sale flyer or catalog I receive in the mail, I am amazed at the offerings shown for gift giving this holiday season. It seems the ‘cheesiness’ gets worse from year to year, but I have to give credit to those inventors that actually thought up some of these gadgets, and were able to sell the idea to some company to mass produce. The questions we have to ask ourselves are, ‘do we really need these things, and can we live without them? The answers are no, and yes consecutively. Here is an example of some of those weird and wacky ‘gifts’ that will not grace any of my Christmas Lists:

• Photo Snow Globe – Place your favorite photo in this snow globe. Call me old fashioned, but I like frames.
  
• The Jewelry Doll – “decorative jewelry organizer”. You forgot ugly. It’s a cross between a decapitated Barbie doll and a miniature Venus de Milo. It must be bad coming from a Professional Organizer. Just because it has the word organize, doesn’t mean it’s a winner. Whatever happened to the jewelry box? We need this hideous thing on our dresser to hold jewelry? Pass.
  
• Kinoki Detox Foot Pads – “Aids natural cleansing by absorbing impurities. Works while you sleep.” First of all, doesn’t everyone have impurities in their body? What makes you think that someone would want this as a gift? Second, would you want to sleep next to someone that was ‘detoxing’? No thanks. This will definitely work better than ‘the headache excuse’ ladies.
  
• Any gadget that massages – I would take a gift certificate to my favorite spa any day. Nothing can massage like a trained masseuse.
  
• Towel Spa® - “Warms towels in minutes. Also can be used for gloves, socks and robes”. Just what I want to give someone. Another big appliance that takes up valuable counter space in the bathroom, plus it uses electricity. Not my idea of a ‘green product’. People have lived with cold towels for centuries and survived. Want to warm your gloves? Sit on them for a couple minutes before you go outside.
  
• The Mangroomer® – Do it yourself electric back hair shaver. Just the thought of this makes my skin crawl. Guys, In a word – WAX.

Okay, so those are some of my picks for this week. Lord only knows what I will come across between now and Christmas which will not be added to my list. Save yourself some money, and the embarrassment of the fake smile from the recipient. Opt instead for a gift card or good old American cash if you are uncertain what to give. But for heaven’s sake, don’t resort to fruitcake. That would be the prerequisite to ‘How to Insult Friends and Humiliate People’.

Come next summer, there will be a bright side to all this for me. All those cheesy gifts will take up enough space for people to call me to convince them they can live without them. So maybe I should stop while I am ahead. Happy Shopping!